1 post tagged “enough already”

 I checked one of my gay blogs (blaggots?) today and found this story: Researchers: Captivity Brings Out the Lesbian in Koalas

It's about how female koalas act all Brokeback when you put them in captivity without males. Yawn.

There has been a shitload of these stories lately, from statistics showing that 80 percent of animal species engage in homosexuality to heartwarming stories of male penguin-pairs starting families (I'm sorry, I'm way too lazy/uninterested to look up a link for that shit).

Can we as a society agree to just stop bringing this shit up? People on the left latch on to these stories like it's some sort of blistering rhetorical smackdown. "Homosexuality is natural! Look: 80 percent of animals do it!" You know what else 80 percent of animals do? Eat their own poop. Animals do a lot of nonsensical shit. That's one of the symptoms of being an animal. There are a lot of good arguments out there for the public acceptance of homosexuality, but I'm sorry, "Lassie's doing it!" just isn't one of them.

Similarly, people on the right act like these kinds of stories have any significance whatsoever, which is retarded. Your son seeing two lions topping each other at the zoo is not going to drive him to 'Shortbus' anytime soon. Just snort derisively, think of John something-colon-something, and move on.

Look, one of the main fronts of the 'culture war' is this whole gay thing. There is enough embarrassment on both sides without bringing fucking National Geographic into it. Anyone using zoo animals as props to make a political, human-centered argument needs to take care of a Dalmation for a few months. Then tell me how much of that behavior we want to write into law.

I propose the following: Let's make a pact to stop reporting on every cousin-sodomizing zoo animal. That way we can get back to the real arguments. Like whether gay guys in the NBA locker room are the equivalent of 'profoundly unattractive, morbidly obese women'.