89 posts tagged “denmark”

I'm kind of enjoying the fetus of a speechwriting career I've somehow umbilical'd over the course of this year. I've written three speeches for my boss to give to companies, one for my boss-boss to give to the European Parliament and now one for my buddy to give to a throng of drunk, sunburned homosexuals.

My friend HC is the president of the Danish National Association of Gays and Lesbians, and he asked me to write the speech he delivered at the closing ceremony of Copenhagen Gay Pride this year. It was a special year, since the Pride took place at the end of the 10-day Copenhagen OutGames, which are pretty much the gay Olympics and sort of my favorite thing ever now.

Some estimates say that 50,000 people were in the square to hear the speech, but you know how gays inflate numbers. It was probably more like 125 people.

Anyway, here's a snip of what I wrote for him. The full Eva Peron is here.

As most of you know, there was an incident on Tuesday where one spectator thought it’d be a good idea to go to one of the Outgames sporting events and throw fireworks onto the field. A few of them exploded and an American runner was injured.

Now… The problem with harassing gay athletes is that they’re athletes. A couple of them ran after him and held him down until police arrived. He’s now detained by the police, the sports events continued and the runner was already back the next day to participate.

You know, one of the first messages of the gay rights movement was ‘We’re Here, We’re Queer, Get Used to It’. After this week, I’m looking forward to seeing the banners saying ‘We’re Here, We’re Queer, and We Can Run Faster Than You.’

[...]

In October 2009 Denmark celebrates its 20th anniversary as the first country in the world to let same-sex couples enter a civil union. Last weekend we paid honor to Axel Axgil, the founder of our organization and the first man ever to get married to another man. Axel’s presence here demonstrated to me that we’re all a part of something larger.

LGBT people and activists have been around long before I was just a skinny boy in Jutland—realizing I fancied other skinny boys in Jutland. It also made me realize that there are a lot more Axel Axgils out there, waiting for the world to tell them that the future has room for them too.

Events like the OutGames are a way for us to deliver that message. The OutGames is special because it’s an event where lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgender people can come together and represent not how we love, but what we love. The OutGames lets the world know that we really are everywhere. We’re in your families, we’re at your workplace, we’re on your sports field and yes, we’re in your locker rooms.

People are always talking about ‘the gay community’. But sometimes ‘the gay community’ is hard to see. You know, for a group defined by the term ‘homo’, we’re a pretty diverse bunch.

Some of us are from small towns, others from big cities. Some of us work in fashion or theater, others are plumbers and electricians. Some of us get up early every morning to go swimming, others think the backstroke is something you get at a massage parlor.

What I’m trying to say is, we’re here to celebrate not what makes us different, but what makes us the same.

It’s important for us to acknowledge that the gay community also includes a lot of people who couldn’t join us this week. And I’m not just talking about the members of our community who live in places where it’s illegal or unsafe to be out and open. No matter where you go, whether it’s Moldova or Massachusetts, you’ll find people struggling to be themselves, people who need to hear that the rest of the world supports them.

The OutGames sets an example to LGBT people around the world. It also sends a message to all the straight people: We are everywhere. We are united. And we can run faster than you.

'So, um, some people have consumed so much extra energy that they are forced to surgically restrict this ability. Partly for their health, but mostly so people won't stare at them on the subway.'

This is a nifty series of articles by a dude who had stomach-stapling surgery and has dropped 55 pounds (what's that, 25 kilos?) in three months. Apparently you have to change your whole diet--not to mention your wardrobe--because the procedure pretty much ctrl+alt+del's your digestive system.

It's also totally heartbreaking to read about the social aspect:

When I was fat, I avoided meeting people's gaze. That's because I felt that I did not want to subject them to my ugliness. Occasionally, I would glance at a pretty person, but the moment the person glanced back--there is a spooky action at a distance at work in the glance dance--I would snap my head and look in a neutral direction.

In any crowd of people, in a group conversation, in an interview, I always got the sense that my counterpart or counterparts were doing their best not to look at me. Why? Because they considered me to be ugly. And humans don't like to look at ugly things.

My God, to feel like that all the time.

It's funny how we, as a society, don't care how lazy or gluttonous you are as long as its not reflected in your appearance. There's no stigma against people who never exercise or constantly eat too much. Unless they're overweight, in which case we assume that's how they got that way and act disgusted. It's like my man Ta-Nehisi say: "The bigot's core refrain is never 'I hate you,' but 'Why are you making me hate you?' " 

One thing living in Denmark has taught me is that it matters how you're treated in public, even if it shouldn't. That brief eye contact with a pedestrian, the nod of that jogging passerby, the 10-second banter with the bank teller, it adds up to how placed you feel, how home your city is. Anyone who experiences a half-dozen rejections per day, no matter how micro, is going start to think 'maybe they're on to something'.

I know I mention this constantly, but every time I go back to America I'm struck by how many converse-lets (psychologists call them 'fleeting relationships', apparently) I have every day, and how much I fucking love it. My European friends all say these little 'have a nice day!' breaks are pointless. But if flirting with the counter-lady at the pharmacy is pointless, then why aren't your interactions with friends and coworkers and family? 

I've now come to the conclusion that Euros are just anti-banter because they can't pull it off. I've seen their continental kind attempt Fleetage. Without alcohol, it's all yes-no questions and 'so what neighborhood do you live in?' Criticize my National Culture of Superficiality all you want, Pierre, but until you've got the bant to make an insta-friend in line at Whole Foods, don't talk merde on those of us who can. 

Anyway, obesity. All I'm saying is, if you really wanna live the freedoms those terrorists hate us for, chat up the fat dude next to you on the airplane. At least you know he's not French.

Esben
what’d you do last night?

Mike
zombie pub crawl! Everybody dresses like a zombie and shuffles through town getting drunk.

Mike
We were fucking throwed after like a bar and a half. And we ended up calling it a night hella early due to *the cops showed up*.

Esben
oh my Geee

Mike
They rocked up while we were all hanging around in a park, at like 8 pm.

They were negotiating with the main zombie: A 23-year-old with a Wolverine costume, a megaphone and a gaping headwound. They cops didn’t really do anything, they just stood around and filmed us.

Esben
filmed?!

Mike
‘?!’ is right. Aren’t we supposed to be filming them? It’s not like we’re gonna violate their civil rights.

Esben
Is that legal?

Mike
I guess. I mean, we were in public. There were like 400 of us. Apparently people were complaining that we got bloody handprints on their cars. Which is actually rather reasonable.

Esben
still though, filming, xst

Mike
Have my human rights been violated?

Esben
I feel like they shouldn't, but then, I hate the cops more than anything

Mike
I kinda do too. I get hella contemptuous and difficult when I'm around cops, like a defiantly pregnant middle schooler.

What's your excuse? Surely you haven't had some sort of run-in with them.

Esben
cops are from jutland, they vote venstre, they are straight and they live in houses with television sets and one wife and two children

as a result I want to bomb them

So this is apparently a verbatim conversation between my friend and his doctor the other day

Friend: I'd like an HIV test.
Doc: Have you been engaging in any high-risk behaviors?
Friend: No, it's just that I'm 30 years old, and I've never been tested.
Doc: So you haven't had unprotected or anal sex in the last year?
Friend: Nope, I just want to get tested. I have a new girlfriend, and I some want peace of mind before we start having unprotected sex.
Doc: [pause, glare] You're talking about state resources here.
Friend: Huh?
Doc: It's not our job to just test every person that comes in off the street.
Friend: Funny, I thought that was precisely your job. Look, I'm requesting an HIV test. Can you order me one or not?
Doc: [sigh, de-holster prescription pad] Fine, you can waste everybody's time with this test. [scribble scribble scribble]
Friend: You know, I read the other day that HIV and STD rates are climbing in Denmark.
Doc: I don't believe anything I read in the newspaper.
Friend: [switching on iPhone, adding 'get new doctor' into To Do List application]

I'm not going to use this to make some larger point about the Danish healthcare system, or bitch about the dangers of complacency, or analogize this to swine flu or whatever. Every country has a few Doctor Spacemans, and my buddy just happened to have gotten Denmark's.

mostly means standing, prone, over half-finished IKEA Rubik's-furniture.

So my Kenyan buddy Charles recently returned home after six months in Copenhagen. He posted the following note:

The peculiar Danes (in my experience)

1. Danes are practically the fittest people on earth therefore there is no distance which is too far to bike. Consequently everything is described in bike miles as opposed to how long it takes to walk (learned this the hard way being told that Norreport and christianhavn are just a short distance trust me take the metro until you work up your fitness).

2. I don’t know who invented the term Dutch courage but I think they hadn’t met the Danes. Prior to a drink Danes tend to be very closed up almost aloof, post drink let’s just say some of them you wish you hadn’t offered the drink, their honesty lets say goes beyond the call of duty.

3. Danes are some of the most liberal people I have met from Christiania, drinking, to nudity etc they tend to approach what others would term taboo as the normal workings in life.

4. The above is however very hard to reconcile with their attitudes on rules. The Danes view rules as the gospel and the breaking of rules is frowned upon and almost seen as an insult. Very hard to reconcile number 3 and 4

5. Graduation out of high school is yet another bizarre ceremony involving biting of hats (what the hell is that about), running around town making a racket in an open top truck and loads of drinking. Lets just say it is quite strange

6. The Shift from summer to winter, simply put the whole country is on PMS over winter, therefore previously cheery people on the streets become angry morons and the cursing on the bike lane doubles. Study your bike signs for stopping and turning before winter or be prepared for some cursing.

7. Pork pork pork!! You can literally have pork for breakfast lunch tea and dinner from pork spread, to hotdogs wrapped in bacon(as if there wasn’t already enough pork in the hotdogs), pates, dried rashes of bacon for soup, steaks etc etc. No wonder the pig population is almost double the human population in Denmark

8. “There is no such thing as bad weather just bad clothes” is what I was told in induction. So regardless of rain pouring down everything goes on as normal including coffees in verandahs. In the shops there exists a vast array of rain clothes which are to be put on while biking in heavy rain.

9. Danes are generally not aware of the issue called unemployment it is almost assumed that automatically on completion of university there are jobs.

10. Sorry guys!! But honestly the Danish women wear the pants in this country I put it down to post Viking era and the guys have just decided to take a back seat and relax.

11. Danes tend to have circles of friends who hardly ever know each other or meet. They are the hometown friends i.e. if one is from arhus and living in copenhagen he has his aarhus friends circle, friends from university and friends from work or colleagues. Socialisation involves allocating times to meet these three different groups preferably or coincidentally separately.

12. Lastly even the gangsters in Denmark are well mannered, in the middle of a war between the hell angels and the immigrant groups over drug turfs there was no reported incident of innocent bystanders caught in the cross fires.

He was here 6 months. I've been here 3 years, and have surprisingly little to add. Except that you get used to the pork.