Change you can conjugate

Just like newspapers write obituaries in advance, so they’re ready for quick propping in the event of a celebritragedy, most editors have a stable of headlines ready for certain events. I used to work with an editor in Seattle who was rooting for an earthquake on the Horn of Africa, just so he could finally put ‘Shake Djibouti’ on the front page.

From 'Baracktail' to 'Probama,' this campaign season has already been a rhyming, vowely gift to headline writers around the world. I have a feeling the fun’s just starting, though, and I’ll bet dollars to dipthongs we’ll see at least a few of the following if Obama wins:

• If Obama is pictured in winter: ‘The Obamanable Snowman’ (or, if more revelations about Obama’s youthful drug use surface, ‘The Obamanable Blowman.’)
• If foreign leaders are initimidated by the new president: ‘Baracknophobia’
• If Obama is pictured riding a donkey: ‘Barack That Ass Up’
• If Obama actually does turn out to be a Muslim: ‘Say it Hussein't So’
• If you need a one-word headline, possibly with exclamation point: Any word that ends with an 'oh' sound (watch: Throwbama, Doughbama, Crowbama, 'Mobama,  Kosovobama, Alamobama, etc. The options are Obamabundant.)
• If Obama goes to the Middle East: ‘Barack The Kasbah’
• If Obama sucks up to the Israel lobby: ‘Schlomobama’
• Or, if Obama supports a Palestinian state: ‘PLObama’ (Shall we take bets on which Fox Newser will use that one first? It's a good thing 'NAMBLAbama' doesn't have the same ring to it)
• If the First Lady steps into a policy dispute: ‘Michelle to the No’
• If voters find themselves developing crushes on their president: ‘Hussein in The Membrane’