Bullshit religious holiday come and me wan' go home

If Christmas is the jolly holiday, and New Year's is the party holiday, then easter is the Ninja holiday. It sneaks up on me every year, and then just sits there, being useless and making all the stores close.

Easter is conceived like a mini-Christmas, when we're all supposed to gather with our alleged loved ones, exchange edible versions of invasive species and hope for a young niece or nephew to break the deafening afternoon silence or somehow stir the old-people air. In my experience, though, this is the Can't Be Botheredest time of the year. I don't know anyone who is putting any effort into this little wank of a holiday this year, even if their families live like half an hour away. I had friends over for dinner the other night and my question, 'So what are you guys doing for Easter?' was greeted with about a minute of silence and then one guy going, 'Whatever.'

This is a ridiculous celebration for a country to sanction anyway. Why is the entire city shut down? Why should the passionfruit death of a capricious deity be celebrated 2,000 years later? Why should we, as citizens of post-Englistenment civilization — wait, what's that? We get three days off work?

Praise bejesus.